A (Horrifying) Show About Nothing
It’s hard not to fall in love with Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, a charming show about five friends living in Pennsylvania… Of course, there are many types of love. Some come filled with roses and sweet scenes, the essence of romantic comedies. Some come after years of friendship, a wonderful surprise. Some come quickly and without warning, an unexpected shock.
This is not any of those types of love. This is the type of love that hurts, physically and mentally. Like being bashed over the head with a frying pan by your mother. You’re not sure why she’s doing it, but you know she means well, and, in the end, well, you love her for it.
This is Sunny. It’s not the most shocking, the foulest-mouthed or the sexiest show I’ve ever watched, but it is by the far the dirtiest one. These characters push the realms of right-and-wrong to new horrifying levels. There is nothing they won’t do – racism, sexism, religion, the media, crack, prostitutes, underage drinking, illegitimate children…it’s amazing/awful. There is nothing like it on television.
That being said, it does strike a familiar chord with another show. And so, for today’s premier of Season 5, I give you: Why Sunny is like Seinfeld To The Max!
The big points are easy: Both shows began with four main characters (three male, one female), commonly referred to as “the gang,” who live and work in a major metropolitan city. They have terrible parents who make frequent and uncomfortable visits. All the characters have skewed senses of moral codes, and, specifically for this article, they have all wonderfully matching counterparts:
Dennis Reynolds / Jerry Seinfeld
The de facto leader of the group, both are narcissistic, self-centered and full of terrible ideas. When they fail, they fail hard (example: Jerry being forced to wear a puffy pirate shirt on TV and Dennis becoming addicted to crack – basically the same thing.) They also have intense commitment problems, although it’s hard to really compare Jerry’s bevy of females to Dennis’ one-night-stand and possible statutory rape. In the end, though, you love them – not because they’re particularly good people, but because you’re glad you’re not them.
Deandra “Sweet Dee” Reynolds / Elaine Benes
The only female in a sea of men, both have developed serious coping mechanisms to survive – specifically sarcasm, screaming and punching – so much punching. They’ve both had a slew of odd jobs (working in publishing or for a rich old man vs. being a failed Youtube celebrity and a vomiting comedian). They also tend to hate and demean all other women while simultaneously trying to show the boys that females are equal on every level… I’m really not sure they’ve ever succeeded.
Charlie Kelly / Geroge Costanza
Short, squat and perpetually a loser. They are the running butt-of-every-joke and often forced into terrible situations (like giving in to marrying a girl or repeatedly getting punched in the face for a friend’s amusement/profit). They both are also incredibly ignorant, both educationally and of the world around them (although at least George can read…poor Charlie). While understanding that their life is terrible, they are both unaware just how much mocking and pity they take from everyone else – it is true what they say, ignorance is bliss.
Mac / Kramer
One-word-names - you really don’t need anything more to describe these social misfits. Also, you don’t need to do anything but watch them run with their insanity, it all sort of plays out over time. For instance, Kramer reversed his peephole and shaved with butter (and ended up cooking his whole body) while Mac tried to join the Italian mafia (where he got nicknamed “p—-y-hands”) and hunted the most dangerous game - man - on the streets of Philadelphia while drinking beer. Both are the wild-cards of the group, stupidly independent, and at the end of the day, absolutely insane and absolutely the most fun to watch.
Frank Reynolds / Newman
Entering the show after at least one season, both characters are smart, devious and particularly twisted. It’s hard to see what evil lurks behind those beady little eyes but you know it’s there. Both men also have love-and-hate relationships with the same members of the gang, tending to dislike the Dennis/Jerry character (unless they need something from them) and being in love with Dee/Elaine. We’re hoping not in the same way, since Dee is Frank’s daughter, but with Sunny, you never really know… Seriously, you really don’t.
The Waitress / Susan Ross
The girl of Charlie/George’s dreams, although both women start by wanting nothing to do with the men (which never changes for the unnamed Waitress). Both men concoct crazy schemes to get their attention (like spontaneous-marriage-proposals or writing a play about child molestation). In the end though, it really is all about the chase - once George gets Susan, he realizes how miserable he is. I imagine Charlie would feel the same if he ever got The Waitress…or he might just bludgeon her to death with a hammer.
Philadelphia / New York City
You’d think that this comparison wouldn’t work, since NYC seems to be the extreme of Philly and not the other way around. Oh, how wrong you’d be. Have you ever met anyone from Philadelphia? They’re nuts. I mean, this is a city that built a jail underneath its football stadium because of the criminal insanity the games tended to cause. That’s a true story, and for that, I salute you Philadelphia.
Parents
Seinfeld has a lovable-yet-excruciatingly-annoying cast of retirees. Sunny has a collection of society whores, crack dealers, “bang-maids” (yes, that’s just what it sounds like), apathetic smokers and Frank. It’s hard to tell who has the worst deal.
Artemis / Sue Ellen Mischke
Dee/Elaine’s only real female friend, although that term has to be used lightly. As said before, Dee/Elaine aren’t good with others of the same gender, and consistently mock their female friends. Both Artemis and Sue Ellen are just a tad bit insane (inviting Elaine to a wedding in India vs. wanting to get nude all. the. time.) They both also have a problem with, well, wearing bras (as shown from the photo above), although “The Braless Wonder” never told Elaine that she does it to “blast my n—s.” I never ever wanted to hear that sentence, especially from someone like Artemis. It still burns.
Matthew Mara (Rickety Cricket) / Babu Bhatt
The gang doesn’t set out to ruin these characters’ lives, it just sorta happens - whether it’s getting them deported or causing them to be homeless. Still, although terrible, it is kinda hilarious to watch… Kinda really hilarious. (ps. Sorry about the terrible pic above. Screen grabs from the 90’s are just awful).
The McPoyles / Every Former Classmate of George and Jerry
It does seem that everyone from the main characters’ past are just a tad bit creepy. The McPoyles went to school with the Sunny gang and grew up to be unibrowed, milk-loving, incestual, bathrobe-wearing, bar-raiding freaks. Similarly, George and Jerry have had to deal with friends who dig holes and sit in them when angry, clingy criers, over-competitive racers and Lloyd Braun. It’s a miracle the main characters turned out as well as they did… Oh, wait. Nevermind.
That’s about it. Enjoy the premier tonight. We’ll see what wacky bits of nothing the gang gets into this year.
